When it comes to dating and romance many women suffer from self-doubt. The self-doubt may be based on a bad track record or negative experiences with lovers. Often, it leads to a sense of despair or hopelessness about meeting a real soulmate. Here is an email from Tatyana in Chicago who is working with Pamela Ross, one of our awesome Love Mentors®:
I was struggling in a long distance relationship that was not healthy for me. In the beginning of love mentoring, I quickly realized that this type of relationship was a life-long dating pattern. My mentor, Pam helped me peel away at the years of fear and self-doubt that had been running my life and relationships.
We’ll get back to this reader’s email is a minute, but before we continue, please take a moment to give yourself a gift. Sign up for my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. Join the more than 25,000 subscribers who get the newsletter.
Now let’s take a closer look at self-doubt. Love is a perilous journey filled with wounds, disappointments and pains. And, particularly for women, who tend to see themselves as the relationship-makers, this often means that we take these setbacks personally. A guy we are dating disappears on us or things go south in our relationship and we think there is something wrong with us. Was it something I said? Something I did or didn’t do? Am I too fat, too old, too shy….. and so on ad nauseum. We can really do a hatchet job on ourselves. The next thing we do is to pull away, to hide out in one way or another. Not speaking our minds, not going out… or if we are single, pulling back from dating. This form of isolation is very difficult because we are alone with the negative thoughts and self-judgments that flow through our own minds. Not a great place to be.
What can be enormously helpful in this kind of situation is to have a loving, caring coach who can pull us out of our setbacks and into the light of new levels of love. It’s very hard to do it on our own. Try as we might, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, cupcakes, aimlessly watching TV, Facebooking and romance novels don’t quite work to empower ourselves. But a strong loving mentor who can see that we are just self-sabotaging ourselves with fear and doubt, who understands and believes in what we really have to offer, can help us step out and up in our lives—to claim the love that is really meant to be coming our way.
Through love mentoring Tatyana overcame her self-doubt and found soulmate love:
For 3 months, Pam coached me to break out of my hermit ways and encouraged me to date people I may not have considered previously. She gave me new insights in the world of dating and held me accountable when I started to relapse in some of my old ways. I now know for sure, if it hadn’t been for Pam’s help, I would not have been prepared to meet my beloved. And that is exactly what happened…two months into our work together, I met the One. It’s been over eight months and we are so happy!! Thank you, Tatyana.