When I was a child, my mother often showed me her love by sneaking me away from my other siblings and sharing a cookie, a piece of cake or candy just with me. She made the point that she was sharing it with me because I was so special. I certainly felt special. Even though the sugary love drug usually made me sick to my stomach.
My mother’s actions led to a lifelong push-pull between me and sugar. It took on so many meanings—the special comfort of mother, being chosen, being loved. And of course, sugar did produce—it gave me that great initial rush. Once I started dating, if I broke up with a guy, I headed straight for the Ben & Jerry’s. And ate a whole pint—to the point of getting myself sick. It became both a reward and a punishment. It took me years to detach from that meaning, to learn to love myself enough so that I did not need to put large amounts of sugar in my body as a kind of love drug. I had to learn many tools for finding self-love that didn’t include sugar. And out of that self-love I was able to give myself a wonderful relationship with a caring man—which in turn, steadied me and made it easier to take control over that demon sugar. What truly helped me in finding self-love was my experience with a Love Mentor®, a caring, loving validating coach, a kind of practical fairy godmother.
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As psychologist and love expert who has helped thousands of women find lasting love, I have seen that for many women, self-love really is the governing mechanism that determines what they put in their bodies as well as how they run their love lives. If they are caught in a vicious cycle with low self–esteem they will often date guys who disappear or who are not good for them. When the relationship hits a downtick, they too head straight for a sugary fix to help them in their pain. Of course, this act just makes them feel much much worse.
The bottom line here is, instead of turning to sugar, a drink or some other external “fix”, work on finding self-love. Cultivate what I call your Diamond Self–that is your most lovable sense of self. The part of you that can actually say kind, positive loving compliments as you look in the mirror. Instead of seeing your fat, cellulite or wrinkles. We all need practice at this! And we all need help from loving mentors who knows how special each and every one of us is.
Now I do control my sugar intake (except for an occasional Godiva binge). What I do instead is throughout the day give myself five real compliments. I notice how kind my eyes are, how pretty my little toes look in those sandals, how much character there is in my laugh wrinkles. If you try this out even a little bit, you will find a shift that makes it easier to control what you put in your mouth and how you run your love life! Please let me know!